New Years Eve: A time to rejoice and celebrate. A time for family and friends. A time to wave goodbye to the year that’s passed and wax lyrical about the year to come. I spent mine the way I normally do, watching TV and movies with my husband and beverage of my choice. This year it was vodka and coke (don’t judge me it’s a classic), and waiting for the fireworks so I can sit on the floor for an hour trying to persuade the cat that the world isn’t about to end. By 1:30am Bruce (the cat) was no longer in fear of his life, and Jon (the husband) and I were suitably drunk enough to sit on the balcony and review the year.
2024 at first glance, was a year of closure for me. I finally got to wave goodbye to the CPS, the trial of Tim, and the police investigation, although I do now have a policeman I’m proud to call a friend, and even prouder to hear him call me the same. That ordeal started in 2020, shortly after my Mum died. A loss so big I don’t think I will ever get over it, I’ve simply learned to carry it with me and not notice the weight. As the investigation and trial become mere memories I feel I’m closer to my Mum. Now I can see so much of her still in my life and my actions. I still want her to be proud of me, and I’m starting to believe that not only would she be, but she always was.
2024 was also the year I got to wave goodbye to the labels that had been attached to me for decades. For most of my life I’ve been told I had various anxiety disorders and a recurring depressive disorder, but last year I found out those were just symptoms of something greater. When I left the treatment room of the man who’s now my psychiatrist, I was carrying a bunch of acronyms, the most important of which were ASD and ADHD. With his help, and some medication, I’m learning about myself in ways that I never even considered, and yet they make so much sense it’s like I’ve finally been allowed the missing pieces to a jigsaw.
2025 is bright! I will continue to explore myself and learn. Importantly I will unlearn too. All the behaviours and thought patterns I’ve adopted and developed over my lifetime to cope with how my brain sees the world, need to be discovered, understood, and let go. It’s bizarre thinking of myself as different, functional even, but I’m excited to find out what that person looks like.
2025 will also be the year I can start referring to myself as an author rather than just a writer, but that news I’m not ready to share yet. The future is never as far away as it feels, and the year ahead is unwritten, but I know the plot and the outline, now I just get to find out how the story goes.
Happy New Year
R
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